“Pastors are not meant to get therapy” vs. “Pastors really need to get therapy.”
I used to live by statement number one... probably why I ended up living statement number two.
Let me start by saying that I am still a pastor, I still believe in the absolute power of Jesus to heal the heart and I’m still a huge supporter of church counseling and ministry. But I feel compelled to raise my voice and say:
Therapy is not demonic.
Taking antidepressants is not a sin.
Seeing a psychiatrist is not anti-christian.
And those who suffer from mental health problems are not a failure.
Lord knows we need more openness in our congregations because (and this is a fact) 50% of adults will develop depression, PTSD, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, or some other mental illness in their lifetime.
Half of the people reading this article already have (or currently are). And for the sake of our family, friends and church leaders, we need to break the shame. Jesus is the hope for each and every one of our needs. He’s the miracle worker who, “healed every disease and every sickness.” And when Jesus healed the leper, the demon possessed, the broken-hearted, he never blamed them for their condition. Jesus is not a religious leader who will condemn us if we seek help, Jesus is the high priest who understands our weaknesses.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”
Yes, that was Jesus talking about himself in Mark 14:34.
He knows how it feels.
Jesus knew Lazarus would rise again.
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) December 20, 2018
Still, he wept.
Because embracing pain is not negating faith. It's actually part of being in the likeness of God.
So have hope, but don't deny your emotions. Pay attention to them. Feel what you feel.
And enjoy the coming resurrection.
To talk of a person’s mental illness like it was a result of a sin, curse, or demon possession is to further stigmatize, shame, and isolate those who are struggling. It is stone throwing people who need understanding and a helping hand. Yes, it is possible that sin and curses and demons are part of the issue, but we need to focus on the person. And admit that we don’t have all the tools or all the answers for the different situations that need attention.
The church is the place many turn while in crisis. We cannot keep turning away the most vulnerable among us. We have to learn how to approach and relate to their specific needs.
As Brandon Peach wrote,
“Most churches probably have the very best intentions when dealing with issues of mental illness. Like the rest of society, however, the Church may misinterpret these clinical conditions and respond to them in ways that exacerbate them—and as a result, demoralize those suffering. Christ, the Great Physician, came to heal the sick. As His body, it’s time the Church leads society in helping to do the same."
In the past the Body of Christ has had three dominating approaches when dealing with mental illness:
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Treat it exclusively as a spiritual issue.
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Ignore it completely.
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Treat it exclusively as a medical issue.
A few years ago I needed to visit a psychiatrist to talk about my depression. It was
the first time in my life where I actually felt helpless, totally unmotivated and OK with the idea of suicide. Being able to talk to a professional who could specifically diagnose me and recommend treatment was liberating. Actually, in that moment it was the Godliest thing I could do.
However, I also needed friends who listened. I needed my leaders to pray. I needed God’s word and encouragement. And in certain moments, I just needed to ignore it all and focus on the things I love to do.
There are too many families in our congregations who are struggling with addictions and depression and all sorts of abusive behavior. I know that because that was our case. And in the middle of it, prayer was great... but it wasn’t enough. Sounds heretic just writing it. But it’s necessary that we talk about it.
I spent 8 months with a professional counselor who taught me how to manage my anger, improve my moods and take ownership of my situation. He gave me books to read, coached me with technics for relaxation and he saw Catherine and I together for marriage guidance. He used specific evidenced-based treatments to treat my conditions and used cognitive behavioral therapy (stuff I would have never considered before) because after many years in full time ministry and after 10 years of terrible behavior as a husband, I needed professional help.
I used to be so ashamed to share it. Now, I celebrate where God has taken me individually and where God has taken us a couple. And I am so glad I didn’t just go for ministry, or a one-time repentance fix, but actually invested money and time with a health care professional.
It was not perfect. A few times I considered punching my therapist (Hi Dolan! Love you bro). But after months of weekly sessions, I am absolutely convinced that God took me there.
I have heard stories of people getting healed in one moment. It’s happened in my own life in other circumstances; and I pray that for us all. But the reality for most is that the hurts and rejection of the past, combined with actual illness of the mind, require more time, more care and more attention. It starts with us pastors getting help when necessary. It continues with the church as a whole empowering people to do whatever it’s necessary to be made well. It demands open conversations with those who have overcome, and with those who are still struggling.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.” Thomas Merton
It ends with us caring more about people (and their health) than about our limited opinions and hindering theology. The religious mindset wants to control how people heal. It wants to determine the rules of engagement for all scenarios and situations. But spiritual maturity is demonstrated by the increase in realization of the help and grace you need. And the heart of Christ is to heal the brokenhearted.
Maybe you’re the broken-hearted in this scenario, can I encourage to ask for help?
And if it takes visiting an actual doctor to help you with your situation, then I know for a fact that Jesus will be holding your hand the whole way through. He did it for me.
Because Jesus is the hope for everyone struggling with mental illness. And the hope for the church that’s ignoring it.
Might be a good time to stop pretending and start attending to this real need. For my sake.
And yours.
* We can all help prevent suicide. This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
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Carlos A. Rodríguez is a pastor, an activist, and a communicator. He's the CEO of The Happy NPO and the author of Simply Sonship, Drop The Stones and the upcoming Proximity. Together with his wife Catherine, they have three gorgeous children and have moved to Puerto Rico to continue relief efforts all over the Caribbean (post hurricane Irma and Maria).
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I have been trying to spread this message to people in my church. Using my story as my testimony to let others know, that it’s ok, to not be ok. I have struggled with suicide for years. I believe we are our own worse enemy with judging. I’m a very active person in my church and i felt like everyone was looking to me to have my life all “perfect”. I have started to share my story with others in my church so they know they are not alone in their struggle. It’s time to stop the stigma on mental illness. Thank you for sharing your story.
My father was mentally ill so I was introduced to this horrible pit early on. I have two grandsons who deal with mental health issues. It breaks my heart for anyone to stand in judgment with opinions that these affected individuals could overcome their problems if they would just TRY. If you only knew how hard they DO try! It is the constant feeling of failure that often pushes them to want to end it all.
We indeed need to wake up and reach out to those who are suffering, whether it is from addiction, mental illness or someone who is just down on their luck.
Christ came to heal the sick, and we are his hands, so why can’t we reach out??
First of all I’d like to say to Charlie, Jesus is absolutely enough and so is his Word, but when we get sick or injured, do we still go to the Doctors and hospital. I say this because I used to believe the same way. As a matter of fact, I just had this exact conversation with a friend of mine three days ago. We were discussing the fact of whether therapy helped us or not and I was the dissenter (so I know this article was for me today if for no one else). I just started seeing a therapist a few months ago. I too am a Pastor and have been in ministry over 35 years. The voice in my head I kept hearing was Psalm 1. “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly…..” etc. You know the rest. One of the things she pointed out to me was that I wasn’t going to the therapist for spiritual guidance, I was going to deal with myself and what was going on with me internally. Just as you don’t go to a podiatrist to deal with a toothache. So, in essence, it’s all about perspective. I saw a good friend of mine waste away and die of cancer because she refused to go to the hospital. She was believing God to heal her, much like the man in the story. We can’t tell God what method of deliverance or healing to use. He chooses, not us. Short story long, anyway you want to bless me Lord, I’ll be satisfied.
I appreciate you stepping out being honest.I been in the Mental Health field for over 30+ years in 1994 I was in a church a help some people in a care home and I the church to help me to Minister to the people pray take them to the appointment because we have the answer and the Pastor told me the church isn’t ready I was a member over 11 yrs and the Pastor was a teacher on reaching the lost and I relocated why do we need Holy Spirit if there’s no proof of the Power to heal. Love your testimony.
@charlie, would you say the same of a cancer diagnosis, or a stroke or heart attack? THAT is why the stigma continues.