“Pastors are not meant to get therapy” vs. “Pastors really need to get therapy.”
I used to live by statement number one... probably why I ended up living statement number two.
Let me start by saying that I am still a pastor, I still believe in the absolute power of Jesus to heal the heart and I’m still a huge supporter of church counseling and ministry. But I feel compelled to raise my voice and say:
Therapy is not demonic.
Taking antidepressants is not a sin.
Seeing a psychiatrist is not anti-christian.
And those who suffer from mental health problems are not a failure.
Lord knows we need more openness in our congregations because (and this is a fact) 50% of adults will develop depression, PTSD, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, or some other mental illness in their lifetime.
Half of the people reading this article already have (or currently are). And for the sake of our family, friends and church leaders, we need to break the shame. Jesus is the hope for each and every one of our needs. He’s the miracle worker who, “healed every disease and every sickness.” And when Jesus healed the leper, the demon possessed, the broken-hearted, he never blamed them for their condition. Jesus is not a religious leader who will condemn us if we seek help, Jesus is the high priest who understands our weaknesses.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”
Yes, that was Jesus talking about himself in Mark 14:34.
He knows how it feels.
Jesus knew Lazarus would rise again.
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) December 20, 2018
Still, he wept.
Because embracing pain is not negating faith. It's actually part of being in the likeness of God.
So have hope, but don't deny your emotions. Pay attention to them. Feel what you feel.
And enjoy the coming resurrection.
To talk of a person’s mental illness like it was a result of a sin, curse, or demon possession is to further stigmatize, shame, and isolate those who are struggling. It is stone throwing people who need understanding and a helping hand. Yes, it is possible that sin and curses and demons are part of the issue, but we need to focus on the person. And admit that we don’t have all the tools or all the answers for the different situations that need attention.
The church is the place many turn while in crisis. We cannot keep turning away the most vulnerable among us. We have to learn how to approach and relate to their specific needs.
As Brandon Peach wrote,
“Most churches probably have the very best intentions when dealing with issues of mental illness. Like the rest of society, however, the Church may misinterpret these clinical conditions and respond to them in ways that exacerbate them—and as a result, demoralize those suffering. Christ, the Great Physician, came to heal the sick. As His body, it’s time the Church leads society in helping to do the same."
In the past the Body of Christ has had three dominating approaches when dealing with mental illness:
-
Treat it exclusively as a spiritual issue.
-
Ignore it completely.
-
Treat it exclusively as a medical issue.
A few years ago I needed to visit a psychiatrist to talk about my depression. It was
the first time in my life where I actually felt helpless, totally unmotivated and OK with the idea of suicide. Being able to talk to a professional who could specifically diagnose me and recommend treatment was liberating. Actually, in that moment it was the Godliest thing I could do.
However, I also needed friends who listened. I needed my leaders to pray. I needed God’s word and encouragement. And in certain moments, I just needed to ignore it all and focus on the things I love to do.
There are too many families in our congregations who are struggling with addictions and depression and all sorts of abusive behavior. I know that because that was our case. And in the middle of it, prayer was great... but it wasn’t enough. Sounds heretic just writing it. But it’s necessary that we talk about it.
I spent 8 months with a professional counselor who taught me how to manage my anger, improve my moods and take ownership of my situation. He gave me books to read, coached me with technics for relaxation and he saw Catherine and I together for marriage guidance. He used specific evidenced-based treatments to treat my conditions and used cognitive behavioral therapy (stuff I would have never considered before) because after many years in full time ministry and after 10 years of terrible behavior as a husband, I needed professional help.
I used to be so ashamed to share it. Now, I celebrate where God has taken me individually and where God has taken us a couple. And I am so glad I didn’t just go for ministry, or a one-time repentance fix, but actually invested money and time with a health care professional.
It was not perfect. A few times I considered punching my therapist (Hi Dolan! Love you bro). But after months of weekly sessions, I am absolutely convinced that God took me there.
I have heard stories of people getting healed in one moment. It’s happened in my own life in other circumstances; and I pray that for us all. But the reality for most is that the hurts and rejection of the past, combined with actual illness of the mind, require more time, more care and more attention. It starts with us pastors getting help when necessary. It continues with the church as a whole empowering people to do whatever it’s necessary to be made well. It demands open conversations with those who have overcome, and with those who are still struggling.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.” Thomas Merton
It ends with us caring more about people (and their health) than about our limited opinions and hindering theology. The religious mindset wants to control how people heal. It wants to determine the rules of engagement for all scenarios and situations. But spiritual maturity is demonstrated by the increase in realization of the help and grace you need. And the heart of Christ is to heal the brokenhearted.
Maybe you’re the broken-hearted in this scenario, can I encourage to ask for help?
And if it takes visiting an actual doctor to help you with your situation, then I know for a fact that Jesus will be holding your hand the whole way through. He did it for me.
Because Jesus is the hope for everyone struggling with mental illness. And the hope for the church that’s ignoring it.
Might be a good time to stop pretending and start attending to this real need. For my sake.
And yours.
* We can all help prevent suicide. This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
---
Carlos A. Rodríguez is a pastor, an activist, and a communicator. He's the CEO of The Happy NPO and the author of Simply Sonship, Drop The Stones and the upcoming Proximity. Together with his wife Catherine, they have three gorgeous children and have moved to Puerto Rico to continue relief efforts all over the Caribbean (post hurricane Irma and Maria).
Support their non-profit by purchasing items from our "It's Ok" Collection.
Click the image below:
I have had little patience with posts on Facebook. They are usually too glib, unhelpful and support contrary positions. But, this one has depth, purpose, and spiritual creds! I’ve worked as a psychiatric occupational therapist for over 47 years and am a Lutheran pastor’s wife. I live and work in both worlds. Christ is in both and this post should help a lot of people find helping.
Charlie, please read the message from Kristin and pay special attention to the story she tells about the man in the flood. Jesus often tries to lead us to the very things we need, and gave us physicians and mental health professionals. So it’s not that His word isn’t enough, but that He has provided the Bible and many other resources for us. Turning to God’s word and praying for His help is always the right thing to do first!
I am so grateful to be reading this. I’ve long felt that there was a stigma in churches and faith communities around depression and mental illness. I was of the mindset that Jesus was all I needed, until I began planning my suicide. I wasn’t thinking of it as suicide or death. Just silence. Finally everything would be quiet and I’d have some peace. When I said the words out loud to myself calling it what it was, I snapped out of it and sought help. When we tell a depressed individual who is seeking help that their suffering is because their faith is weak, we are taking away their hope. When they no longer have hope, what do they have to live for?
To the poster Charlie, please consider what you are saying. Apply your questions to cancer, diabetes, heart disease, lupus, MS, Parkinson’s . . . would you suggest people not seek medical intervention for those illnesses? Are they too big for God to handle? One of my mission team members just passed away from metastatic breast cancer while a host of souls were praying fervently for her, would you suggest that our faith was not enough? Or that mine didn’t count because I’m taking antidepressants and going to counseling? (That’s an extreme, but you understand my point.) Of course not. However, we both know people God has answered the prayers for healing on earth through successful medical intervention and sometimes actual miracles and people whose healing has come through entering eternity. Mental illness is medical issue that requires medical intervention. Some people need only take medication for a short period of time while they get some counseling and maybe learn some coping skills they’ve been missing. Some need meds for life and there is nothing wrong with that. I’ve lived with depression for 15 years and I have prayed and read and trusted for Jesus to heal me of depression for most of those years. Does the fact that I still have it mean I’m not praying enough, believing enough, having enough faith? I thought so for awhile. I don’t anymore. Here’s why:
1. In 2 Corinthians 12:7 and following, Paul talks about the thorn in his flesh that he asks God 3 times to remove, but God declines stating, “My grace is sufficient (enough) for you”
2. Paul only asked 3 times and I asked a bit more over the course of 8 years, I’m still depressed 7 years later so my options are these: I don’t have enough faith, God has said no and wants me to suffer, or my depression has a purpose greater than myself alone. The first option is tragic, the second makes God somewhat of a vivisectionist, so the last option is the likely choice.
3. In Luke 9:51, Jesus set out resolutely for Jerusalem. Here’s the deal, Jesus knew what awaited Him in Jerusalem. He was going to go, however, and endure it all because that was the plan. He asked the Father for another way in the Garden, but accepted His will for Him. I made a personal decision that if Christ could do that for me, then I could live with depression for Him. I need medication to help me function and sleep because my depression is a chemical imbalance. Did He also not create doctors? Sometimes we need God with skin on Him to provide us feedback and support in the form of counseling. Churches in general need to start being more vulnerable within their walls with one another. Not only that, depression has taught me to be more compassionate and enabled me to help others in ways I don’t think I could have otherwise.
This article is not suggesting that God’s word and Christ are not enough. It’s saying Christians need to speak up and seek help if they are suffering. God does not want us to live in shame. Shame thrives in secret and silence. Jesus already knows our secrets, that’s why we are urged to confess to one another (James 5:16), but we don’t do that either, do we? Because as much as we like to use the word grace, we seem to love withholding it even more. We love watching our brothers and sisters fall from grace and confirming they weren’t so “godly and perfect” after all. Don’t we? I’ve been guilty of it. We love it because then we don’t feel so bad about our own shortcomings. When what we should be doing is gathering around one another and saying "Me too. I’ve been there, too. I have this shame. Here is mine . . . and mine . . . and mine . . . this one’s mine . . . " It’s not that Jesus isn’t enough. It’s that even after everything His word says, tradition/doctrine has convinced us that despite being completely covered by His blood, we can never be enough. If you grew up in a congregation that didn’t distort God’s word, Charlie, you have a gift. There are many who were not so blessed and they are finding their way. Counseling may be part of that. Instead of feeling you’re being asked to accept that God’s word isn’t enough, consider praying for those who’ve spent their lives believing they weren’t enough in spite of God’s word.
Response to Charlie:
No, the message in that post is not that God is not enough.
It is that Hee has a whole lot of tools that He uses to help us…one beeing the use of other people that He has allowed to receive professional training for the purpose of healing
Same way with other better-accepted illnesses like Diabetes, Hypertension
Please rethink this !
Godbless
Response to Charlie, is Jesus enough when we have diabetes? Or cancer? Or poverty? Or a flood? When we lose a job? A spouse? A child?
If I work with my hands to create income, am I saying Jesus was not enough? Or if I get chemotherapy? Or take insulin, or go to the dentist? Or go to college?
Therapy is another manner in which to gain insight (personal wisdom). Does the Bible not encourage us to gain Good counsel?
Therapy is not magical or voodoo. In many cases it is a confrontation of our thoughts which are not helpful, and then help to restructure those thoughts.
Also, The brain can become ill just as the body does. When that happens, the person may need medication to function.
If you can be okay with getting stitches, therapy should be a no brainer.