“Pastors are not meant to get therapy” vs. “Pastors really need to get therapy.”
I used to live by statement number one... probably why I ended up living statement number two.
Let me start by saying that I am still a pastor, I still believe in the absolute power of Jesus to heal the heart and I’m still a huge supporter of church counseling and ministry. But I feel compelled to raise my voice and say:
Therapy is not demonic.
Taking antidepressants is not a sin.
Seeing a psychiatrist is not anti-christian.
And those who suffer from mental health problems are not a failure.
Lord knows we need more openness in our congregations because (and this is a fact) 50% of adults will develop depression, PTSD, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, or some other mental illness in their lifetime.
Half of the people reading this article already have (or currently are). And for the sake of our family, friends and church leaders, we need to break the shame. Jesus is the hope for each and every one of our needs. He’s the miracle worker who, “healed every disease and every sickness.” And when Jesus healed the leper, the demon possessed, the broken-hearted, he never blamed them for their condition. Jesus is not a religious leader who will condemn us if we seek help, Jesus is the high priest who understands our weaknesses.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”
Yes, that was Jesus talking about himself in Mark 14:34.
He knows how it feels.
Jesus knew Lazarus would rise again.
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) December 20, 2018
Still, he wept.
Because embracing pain is not negating faith. It's actually part of being in the likeness of God.
So have hope, but don't deny your emotions. Pay attention to them. Feel what you feel.
And enjoy the coming resurrection.
To talk of a person’s mental illness like it was a result of a sin, curse, or demon possession is to further stigmatize, shame, and isolate those who are struggling. It is stone throwing people who need understanding and a helping hand. Yes, it is possible that sin and curses and demons are part of the issue, but we need to focus on the person. And admit that we don’t have all the tools or all the answers for the different situations that need attention.
The church is the place many turn while in crisis. We cannot keep turning away the most vulnerable among us. We have to learn how to approach and relate to their specific needs.
As Brandon Peach wrote,
“Most churches probably have the very best intentions when dealing with issues of mental illness. Like the rest of society, however, the Church may misinterpret these clinical conditions and respond to them in ways that exacerbate them—and as a result, demoralize those suffering. Christ, the Great Physician, came to heal the sick. As His body, it’s time the Church leads society in helping to do the same."
In the past the Body of Christ has had three dominating approaches when dealing with mental illness:
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Treat it exclusively as a spiritual issue.
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Ignore it completely.
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Treat it exclusively as a medical issue.
A few years ago I needed to visit a psychiatrist to talk about my depression. It was
the first time in my life where I actually felt helpless, totally unmotivated and OK with the idea of suicide. Being able to talk to a professional who could specifically diagnose me and recommend treatment was liberating. Actually, in that moment it was the Godliest thing I could do.
However, I also needed friends who listened. I needed my leaders to pray. I needed God’s word and encouragement. And in certain moments, I just needed to ignore it all and focus on the things I love to do.
There are too many families in our congregations who are struggling with addictions and depression and all sorts of abusive behavior. I know that because that was our case. And in the middle of it, prayer was great... but it wasn’t enough. Sounds heretic just writing it. But it’s necessary that we talk about it.
I spent 8 months with a professional counselor who taught me how to manage my anger, improve my moods and take ownership of my situation. He gave me books to read, coached me with technics for relaxation and he saw Catherine and I together for marriage guidance. He used specific evidenced-based treatments to treat my conditions and used cognitive behavioral therapy (stuff I would have never considered before) because after many years in full time ministry and after 10 years of terrible behavior as a husband, I needed professional help.
I used to be so ashamed to share it. Now, I celebrate where God has taken me individually and where God has taken us a couple. And I am so glad I didn’t just go for ministry, or a one-time repentance fix, but actually invested money and time with a health care professional.
It was not perfect. A few times I considered punching my therapist (Hi Dolan! Love you bro). But after months of weekly sessions, I am absolutely convinced that God took me there.
I have heard stories of people getting healed in one moment. It’s happened in my own life in other circumstances; and I pray that for us all. But the reality for most is that the hurts and rejection of the past, combined with actual illness of the mind, require more time, more care and more attention. It starts with us pastors getting help when necessary. It continues with the church as a whole empowering people to do whatever it’s necessary to be made well. It demands open conversations with those who have overcome, and with those who are still struggling.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.” Thomas Merton
It ends with us caring more about people (and their health) than about our limited opinions and hindering theology. The religious mindset wants to control how people heal. It wants to determine the rules of engagement for all scenarios and situations. But spiritual maturity is demonstrated by the increase in realization of the help and grace you need. And the heart of Christ is to heal the brokenhearted.
Maybe you’re the broken-hearted in this scenario, can I encourage to ask for help?
And if it takes visiting an actual doctor to help you with your situation, then I know for a fact that Jesus will be holding your hand the whole way through. He did it for me.
Because Jesus is the hope for everyone struggling with mental illness. And the hope for the church that’s ignoring it.
Might be a good time to stop pretending and start attending to this real need. For my sake.
And yours.
* We can all help prevent suicide. This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
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Carlos A. Rodríguez is a pastor, an activist, and a communicator. He's the CEO of The Happy NPO and the author of Simply Sonship, Drop The Stones and the upcoming Proximity. Together with his wife Catherine, they have three gorgeous children and have moved to Puerto Rico to continue relief efforts all over the Caribbean (post hurricane Irma and Maria).
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I am 75 years old. I have suffered with OCD “‘(mostly “O”) since childhood. Religious OCD which was once called “scrupulousity” has been my constant bully since I can remember. My obsessions were a fear of displeasing God before I was saved at 25. Since then I have been plagued with thoughts like “Did I really believe? Did I repent? Did I know the true gospel? Did I pray right? Was there significant change in my life? Am I bearing the fruit of the spirit? Endless questions. Endless doubts. I have quietly listened to sermons that taught that therapy and pills are the worldly way to solve your problems, and if you’ll just pray and “get into the Word” we’d be OK. I have prayed constantly and worn out 5 or 6 bibles. My pastor husband held these views (no longer, praise God) so I only took antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds when I was having a comeapart. Then as soon as I was feeling better, I would taper off, continued to feel OK for a while, and then gradually unravel. I repeated that cycle for 30 years. I was hospitalized in 1991 when the new SSRIs were released. I recovered from that hell because of them and a good Christian counsellor. But, to keep peace in the family, again stopped after about 3 years. Broke again in 2001. This time I started taking Zoloft, low dose Clonapin, and very low dose Traxadone for sleep. I believe I had developed resistance to the Zoloft, and a combination of that and hearing every Sunday that if you had doubts about your salvation, you probably were not. Add to that the idea coming from my pastor (not my husband) that seeing “guru”s” and popping pills was going to the world for answers triggered another OCD attack. I was miserable for over a year. I stopped going to church.
This spring something happened inside my head. I said, “Enough if this!” I read from a blog by Dr. Ean Osborne about Martin Luther, John Bunyan, St. Therese of Lisieux and others who had suffered this monstrous thing. I came to realize that “the doubting disease” is exactly that. You are trying to figure out your fears in your own flesh. It is a scary deal for some to totally surrender your eternal destiny to something so totally outrageous as someone you can’t see, who is wholly pure and righteous, all powerful, and whom one offends every day. I had saving faith when I was 25 simply because He gave it to me for no other reason than that He loved me. But putting that simple fact into my everyday life was difficult, sometimes impossible. I had my “Martin Luther on the stairs” experience a couple of months ago. I was able, by His Grace, to simply roll my dnobts and self punishment and efforts to please Him onto Jesus. It was ridiculously easy. I have had joy and peace that I never knew existed except for glimpses here and there. I changed my antidepressant to Proxac and am am chipping away at the old grid through which I read my Bible and through which I view God. His mercies are new and right there for me every morning. He is wonderful. His love and grace are ridiculous and outrageous, but they are real. I DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT! And, if I do start, I do that falling on Jesus number, and HE is there! Will I ever be off meds? I don’t know. I don’t care. Why has it taken me so long to come to this point? I don’t know. But I would love to spend what days I have left helping unbelievers to know Him and believers who don’t know how to rest in Him to learn.
I know this is probably too long to publish, but thanks for the opportunity to share my story.
I am 75 years old. I have suffered with OCD “‘m😁(mostly “O”) since childhood. Religious OCD which was once called “scrupulousity” has been my constant bully since I can remember. My obsessions were a fear of displeasing God before I was saved at 25. Since then I have been plagued with thoughts like “Did I really believe? Did I repent? Did I know the true gospel? Did I pray right? Was there significant change in my life? Am I bearing the fruit of the spirit? Endless questions. Endless doubts. I have quietly listened to sermons that taught that therapy and pills are the worldly way to solve your problems, and if you’ll just pray and “get into the Word” we’d be OK. I have prayed constantly and worn out 5 or 6 bibles. My pastor husband held these views (no longer, praise God) so I only took antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds when I was having a comeapart. Then as soon as I was feeling better, I would taper off, continued to feel OK for a while, and then gradually unravel. I repeated that cycle for 30 years. I was hospitalized in 1991 when the new SSRIs were released. I recovered from that hell because of them and a good Christian counsellor. But, to keep peace in the family, again stopped after about 3 years. Broke again in 2001. This time I started taking Zoloft, low dose Clonapin, and very low dose Traxadone for sleep. I believe I had developed resistance to the Zoloft, and a combination of that and hearing every Sunday that if you had doubts about your salvation, you probably were not. Add to that the idea coming from my pastor (not my husband) that seeing “guru”s” and popping pills was going to the world for answers triggered another OCD attack. I was miserable for over a year. I stopped going to church.
This spring something happened inside my head. I said, “Enough if this!” I read from a blog by Dr. Ean Osborne about Martin Luther, John Bunyan, St. Therese of Lisieux and others who had suffered this monstrous thing. I came to realize that “the doubting disease” is exactly that. You are trying to figure out your fears in your own flesh. It is a scary deal for some to totally surrender your eternal destiny to something so totally outrageous as someone you can’t see, who is wholly pure and righteous all powerful, and whom one offends every day. I had saving faith when I was 25 simply because He gave it to me for no other reason than that He lived me. But putting that simple fact into my everyday life was difficult.m, sometimes impossible. I had my “Martin Luther on the stairs” experience a couple of months ago. I was able, by His Grace, to simply roll my dnobts and self punishment and efforts to please Him onto Jesus. It was ridiculously easy. I have had joy and peace that I never knew existed except for glimpses here and there. I changed my antidepressant to Proxac and am am chipping away at the old grid through which I read my Bible and through which I view God. His mercies are new and right there for me every morning. He is wonderful. His love and grace are ridiculous and outrageous, but they are real. I DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT! And, if I do start, I do that falling on Jesus number, and HE is there! Will I ever be off meds? I don’t know. I don’t care. Why has it taken me so long to come to this point? I don’t know. But I would love to spend what days I have left helping unbelievers to know Him and believers who don’t know how to rest in Him to learn.
I know this is probably too long to publish, but thanks for the opportunity to share my story.
It’s been a little over a month now since I lost my Aunt to suicide. I wish I’d found this article sooner, however, I know realistically that I can never go back… BUT, I can move forward. I have struggled with anxiety and depression as well (and still do at times.) I think Kristin’s comment above hits the head on the nail… maybe we are missing the life-line God has been throwing our way because we are too wrapped up in worldly heresy. I’ve never, not even once, read in the Holy Bible that it is sinful to seek help. After all, God created each and every one of us different, so that we should work together as a team: fellowship. Maybe the healing and the revelation we’ve been praying for; God has already placed in front of us….
Two important but separate comments here: In response to Charlie, mental health is often a medical as well as an emotional issue, an imbalance of hormones that occurs in both men and women. Would you say Jesus is enough for a broken leg? Yes, he CAN heal a broken leg, but he also gave us medical resources to treat the broken leg. He also gives us trained counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists to treat our mental health issues that often require medication to bring us back into balance. Second response: statistics say that 1 in 4 men and 1 in 8 women are dealing with a pornography addiction. Brain scans show that pornography addict brains look just like heroin addict brains. God created us with two drugs: a stimulant and a soothing hormone. When one achieves a orgasm without their partner, the soothing hormone does not occur. Therefore, orgasm via pornography is always creating a high that needs to be topped. Pornography addiction is not just a spiritual issue. If you know someone struggling with pornography addiction, I highly recommend resources, intensive, and groups founded via Dr. Doug Weiss’ programs based in Colorado Springs. (www.drdougweiss.com) If you are a pastor or church based organization, consider the possibility of financing this path for those struggling with pornography addiction. Sobriety can be achieved! Marriages are being redeemed and are prospering!