“If we hand our sons and daughters a faith exposed as misogynistic, racist, unconcerned about creation and the poor, they aren’t wrong to leave it.” -Jonathan Martin
Dear (Spiritual) Parents,
This letter is for you. Yes, for all you God-fearing pastors, mentors and 1990’s youth leaders. And for all you Bible-believing moms and dads who taught us about the value of hard-work and going to church well-dressed.
I’ll start with gratitude, because your journey is part of the foundation on which we stand.
And yet where we stand looks so different to what you built. The tide is drastically changing, and somehow we need to understand each other (because we need each other to heal).
So it's with humility that I’ll write for us, in the hope that this will help you understand why we think, vote, tweet, dress, differently than you.
And note that we are fully aware that we could be wrong about all of this.
You see, we are not afraid of words like socialism, homosexuals or Hollywood. We are cool with tattoos, doing a bit of yoga, drinking a bit of wine and hanging out with muslims and/or communists and/or people who would be “left behind.”
More than that, we believe in the message of the cross more than we believe in having a cross in every corner. We believe in God’s love for all humanity more than we believe in only Israel and America as God’s elect. We believe kindness and compassion are more powerful than fear and judgment. And we won’t vote conservative just because they say they are anti-abortion.
To be properly pro-life for us means EVERY life.
The immigrant.
The refugee.
The man on death row.
Both the mother and the little one.
So we will preach more pro-humanity than anti-abortion. We will sing more pro-love than anti-sin. We will deny patriarchy, deny racism in all its forms, and deny any kind of hate to those who our different to us.
This is NOT rebellion against you.
You were good at getting us into the Bible, that we started to read it for ourselves and started paying attention to Jesus.
This is what we actually want to be conservative about… conserve (and preserve) the words and style of Christ himself.
His gospel of peace.
His good news for the poor.
His healing of the broken-hearted.
Because of that, we care more about the Kingdom of God than about Western Christianity. We care more about being in mission than getting a mortgage. And we care more about the future of our planet than whatever is good for the stock market.
Yes, there might be a measure of pride and assumptions in what I write. And I know these generalizations sound unfair, they obviously don’t represent every spiritual parent everywhere, but please keep reading.
Because we’re intentional about spending time with people from other cultures / religions / races, we’re intentional about standing with them too. The old systems that keep our friends in bondage are not cool with us anymore. So we march and protest and share #hashtags that might rub you the wrong way.
And FYI, we're done with abusive pastors and chauvinistic leadership.
Now, in order to keep growing what you planted, we must try a different way of farming. To continue building what you started, we need to demolish the idols of old.
We’re aware that there are elements of pain and bitterness that drive this conversation, but we know that all things work together for good! So we’re trusting God that the pain from the past will become healing for the future (and awakening from the ungodly system that initiated the pain and bitterness).
* Also, if we stop going to church, that does not mean that we are going to hell. We might just need a break from what we're used to so we can create what we hope for.
Yes, we know that there is a lot of good in the body of Christ, but we’re dreaming of the actual good old days. The days of Matthew and Mark and Luke and John… and the possibility of the books of Acts all over again.
The whole turn the other cheek and love your enemies bit has really captivated our hearts! And it’s affected how we look at war and Islam and North Korea.
In a way… we know that you’re the same.
It’s just that the out-working of it looks different.
Very different.
And that hurts sometimes, because there’s an obvious disconnect in social media and dinner tables between our generations.
So we’ll end with an honest request: Please don’t quit on us!
We need your mothering and fathering. We want your challenge and invitation. Because we know that your experiences are valid. Yes, we see things differently, but without your empowering we might end up repeating the same mistakes and patterns you want us to prevent.
Forgive us for our presumptions and misunderstanding. May the prayer of Jesus in John 17 guide us today.
I hope we can make it work.
Will we?
“He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.” – Malachi 4:6
Check out our work in Puerto Rico:
]]>“To “do justice” means to render to each what each is due. Justice involves harmony, flourishing, and fairness, and it is based on the image of God in every person—the Imago Dei—that grants all people inalienable dignity and infinite worth.” Eugene Cho
The book of the prophet Amos was written while the kingdom of Israel had become a prosperous nation under King Jeroboam II. They were experiencing peace as a nation, great social prestige and had achieved military might. But the poor suffered like dogs, the foreigners experienced oppression and the widows and orphans died unattended.
Does that ring any bells?
Well, watch out!
Here comes the prophet.
Like alcohol to a wound, the seer spoke the words of God, to the people of God, for the sake of God.
I can't stand your religious meetings.
I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes, your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music. When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That's what I want. That's all I want.
Can you hear God's intensity and passion?
I do. And I need more of that kind of passion (and commitment) to real justice.
Lots more.
You see, most of us can "handle" injustice.
We see it on the news, cringe a little, maybe #thoughtsandprayers and then we let it pass. We’re really good at pretending like we care about something that is unfair (and social media has given us a platform to be masters of it). We see racism, we tweet about it. We see war, we blog about it. We see hunger, we share the WorldVision.com website without actually signing up for a sponsorship.
And I know that social media is a good first step to awareness and action, but don’t let it deceive you into feeling righteous.
That’s why God highlights the real problem for us... justice.
Because justice demands that we do something.
And that’s precisely what He wants; flowing like an ever-flowing stream.
Now, there are two aspects of justice in the Bible that are distinctly defined.
The first is called Punitive Justice. It works likes this; an eye for an eye i.e what you took from me, I can take from you. It’s fair and just enough, and at a core level we all filter life through it. Also, most world governments, employee handbooks and courses on parenting are rule by it.
You kill, you get killed.
You rob, you pay back with cash, time or work.
You are unfaithful to your marriage vows, you lose half of what you own.
This punishment driven justice creates a sense of fear, of analyzing consequences and making decisions based on what will happen to the individual if found guilty. My momma used to called it, The Fear of the Lord.
But there’s another aspect of justice that is at the heart of more than half of the verses where is says the words, “righteousness” or “justice”.
It’s precisely what God is talking about in Amos 5.
And this is the kind of fairness that sees all, both the abuser and the abused, as worthy of mercy.
Multiple times a year, I get to witness this in all its splendor. Our church family had connected with a ministry called Proverbs 22:6. Their sole purpose is to bring fathers (who are in prison) together with their children (who are the most likely to go to prison next). In 2016 we had two events inside of Central Prison in downtown Raleigh. The first event we did was called, “Forgive Me Dear.” We chaperone 15 kids into a maxim security facility so they could spend a day with their fathers. Some of the kids had never even met their fathers before. Some had only seen them through a glass and spoken to them through dirty prison phones. And most had never-ever been hugged by their dad.
Volunteers from our church had spent months before the day preparing the fathers on how to connect with their little ones. They were teaching them how to ask for forgiveness, how to hold her children's hands and how to look into their eyes while they spoke to them. There was even some basic training in foot washing.
The reason we brought these kids through five layers of security and inspection was for the deepest moment of reconciliation. And that's precisely what we did. We spent more than six hours creating space so that children between the ages of 2 and 15 could be loved by their convicted parent. The prison ward became the temple of the holiest God, and in his presence, rivers of justice flowed.
What Proverbs 22:6 is doing is producing fruit that will last for generations to come. Children whose parents are in prison are three times more likely to end up in prison themselves. The motivation for these gatherings is to destroy that trend.
Cyril Prabuh, who started and leads Proverbs 22:6, is now funded to give full university scholarships to many of the kids that finish the program. Even Sketchers Shoes donated thousands of sneakers so that at the end of the first encounter, right after the dad is drying the toes of his darling son or daughter, they get to literally put new shoes on their feet to signify that they now heading in a different direction. Proverbs 22:6 is doing this all over the United States and they’ve been so incredibly successful that prisons where they started in South Carolina are reporting significant deduction of crime and reentry!
This is restorative justice, were both the oppressor and the oppressed (the father who committed the crime and the innocent children who had nothing to do with it) get to walk in the redemption of Christ. This is the stream that God is thirsty for.
When the Bible talks about justice I used to imagine a white old man with a white long beard in a white big throne, angry and ready to destroy. A Zeus-type figure who’s mighty flashes would consume all who broke the law.
The magnificent news for me and you, for those kids and those dads, is that the Righteous Father is exactly like his Humble Son. And if we have seen the Son, then we have seen the Father.
He’s the Son who stopped the execution of the adulterous lady in John 8. And he did it because that's what he saw the “white old man on the throne” doing. He did it because the Godhead is more interested in restoring humanity than punishing humans. He did it because the Holy Spirit empowered him to preach good news to the poor. To heal the broken hearted. To set at liberty those who are captive. To open the eyes of the blind. And to declare the year of the Lord’s favor.
This is his mission statement.
Confirmed and approved.
Vision casting done!
Jesus, borrowing the words of the prophet Isaiah, clearly articulated his assignment in Luke 4. This was the reason the Holy Dove descend on him. It was not to impress us with flashy miracles or uppity sermons. The Holy Ghost came upon the Holy Son to empower him with this holy purpose.
I would like to invite you to make this your own. According to Jesus, “As the Father has sent me, so I send you.”67 That means, that we have permission, right here in Drop The Stones, to make his mission statement, our own.
Say it out loud, over yourself, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
I agree with Jesus.
And I agree with you.
Amen.
I used to live by statement number one... probably why I ended up living statement number two.
Let me start by saying that I am still a pastor, I still believe in the absolute power of Jesus to heal the heart and I’m still a huge supporter of church counseling and ministry. But I feel compelled to raise my voice and say:
Therapy is not demonic.
Taking antidepressants is not a sin.
Seeing a psychiatrist is not anti-christian.
And those who suffer from mental health problems are not a failure.
Lord knows we need more openness in our congregations because (and this is a fact) 50% of adults will develop depression, PTSD, anxiety, self-harm, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, or some other mental illness in their lifetime.
Half of the people reading this article already have (or currently are). And for the sake of our family, friends and church leaders, we need to break the shame. Jesus is the hope for each and every one of our needs. He’s the miracle worker who, “healed every disease and every sickness.” And when Jesus healed the leper, the demon possessed, the broken-hearted, he never blamed them for their condition. Jesus is not a religious leader who will condemn us if we seek help, Jesus is the high priest who understands our weaknesses.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”
Yes, that was Jesus talking about himself in Mark 14:34.
He knows how it feels.
Jesus knew Lazarus would rise again.
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) December 20, 2018
Still, he wept.
Because embracing pain is not negating faith. It's actually part of being in the likeness of God.
So have hope, but don't deny your emotions. Pay attention to them. Feel what you feel.
And enjoy the coming resurrection.
To talk of a person’s mental illness like it was a result of a sin, curse, or demon possession is to further stigmatize, shame, and isolate those who are struggling. It is stone throwing people who need understanding and a helping hand. Yes, it is possible that sin and curses and demons are part of the issue, but we need to focus on the person. And admit that we don’t have all the tools or all the answers for the different situations that need attention.
The church is the place many turn while in crisis. We cannot keep turning away the most vulnerable among us. We have to learn how to approach and relate to their specific needs.
As Brandon Peach wrote,
“Most churches probably have the very best intentions when dealing with issues of mental illness. Like the rest of society, however, the Church may misinterpret these clinical conditions and respond to them in ways that exacerbate them—and as a result, demoralize those suffering. Christ, the Great Physician, came to heal the sick. As His body, it’s time the Church leads society in helping to do the same."
In the past the Body of Christ has had three dominating approaches when dealing with mental illness:
Treat it exclusively as a spiritual issue.
Ignore it completely.
Treat it exclusively as a medical issue.
the first time in my life where I actually felt helpless, totally unmotivated and OK with the idea of suicide. Being able to talk to a professional who could specifically diagnose me and recommend treatment was liberating. Actually, in that moment it was the Godliest thing I could do.
However, I also needed friends who listened. I needed my leaders to pray. I needed God’s word and encouragement. And in certain moments, I just needed to ignore it all and focus on the things I love to do.
There are too many families in our congregations who are struggling with addictions and depression and all sorts of abusive behavior. I know that because that was our case. And in the middle of it, prayer was great... but it wasn’t enough. Sounds heretic just writing it. But it’s necessary that we talk about it.
I spent 8 months with a professional counselor who taught me how to manage my anger, improve my moods and take ownership of my situation. He gave me books to read, coached me with technics for relaxation and he saw Catherine and I together for marriage guidance. He used specific evidenced-based treatments to treat my conditions and used cognitive behavioral therapy (stuff I would have never considered before) because after many years in full time ministry and after 10 years of terrible behavior as a husband, I needed professional help.
I used to be so ashamed to share it. Now, I celebrate where God has taken me individually and where God has taken us a couple. And I am so glad I didn’t just go for ministry, or a one-time repentance fix, but actually invested money and time with a health care professional.
It was not perfect. A few times I considered punching my therapist (Hi Dolan! Love you bro). But after months of weekly sessions, I am absolutely convinced that God took me there.
I have heard stories of people getting healed in one moment. It’s happened in my own life in other circumstances; and I pray that for us all. But the reality for most is that the hurts and rejection of the past, combined with actual illness of the mind, require more time, more care and more attention. It starts with us pastors getting help when necessary. It continues with the church as a whole empowering people to do whatever it’s necessary to be made well. It demands open conversations with those who have overcome, and with those who are still struggling.
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.” Thomas Merton
It ends with us caring more about people (and their health) than about our limited opinions and hindering theology. The religious mindset wants to control how people heal. It wants to determine the rules of engagement for all scenarios and situations. But spiritual maturity is demonstrated by the increase in realization of the help and grace you need. And the heart of Christ is to heal the brokenhearted.
Maybe you’re the broken-hearted in this scenario, can I encourage to ask for help?
And if it takes visiting an actual doctor to help you with your situation, then I know for a fact that Jesus will be holding your hand the whole way through. He did it for me.
Because Jesus is the hope for everyone struggling with mental illness. And the hope for the church that’s ignoring it.
Might be a good time to stop pretending and start attending to this real need. For my sake.
And yours.
* We can all help prevent suicide. This lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
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I’m not talking about Faith and the Good News. That started with Jesus and remains. I’m talking about our interpretation (and in turn) our manifestation of it.
So as part of the family, I decided to write this list for us. Most of the ones that made it have already been discussed among my young Christian friends.
The first resolution is to learn to question things that we're used to, and to be ok with uncomfortable conversation and a difference of opinions.
* As long as those opinions are not based on denying other people's humanity of course.
So really, that's 48 resolutions. Here are the other 47.
Could we agree on 10 at least?
1. Talk to people with disabilities. Learn from them, hear their requests for accessibility. Celebrate their presence, strength, and contribution.
2. If a church pays for the pastor’s new iPhone, it can pay also for a single mother’s babysitter. Say it.😉
3. Stop creating bubbles of ministry where people forget to be normal human beings. And take it easy with the Christian-ese my beloved saints. #PTL
4. Come to Puerto Rico to restore houses with our non-profit (but don’t go back to your churches and ignore the other Latinos next door).
In fact, don't use our brown (gorgeous) faces for an Instagram album highlighting a missionary vacation while ignoring the pain of Central American kids in cages.
¡Gracias!
5. Stop waving the Israeli or American flag in church. And learn once and for all that the God of Israel loves the Palestinians and the Muslims and the Mexican.
6. Finish the conference era. And when we do have an event, do it for the sake of the people in the crowd not the people on the stage.
7. Welcome the LGBTQ crowd into our churches in exactly the same manner that Jesus would welcome everyone.
Exactly the same.
8. Figure out how to do even fewer announcements on Sunday service (so we can share more honest stories, time of lament, and hopeful testimonies).
9. Serve the poor without having to make a video about how much we serve the poor. And when you do a video, don’t use them as props for sadness but as teachers and overcomers.
10. Start churches that don’t depend on people leaving other churches.
* Actually, find out first if there is a local church that is following Jesus and figure out how to work together.
11. Embrace the “hip and cool” pastors as much as we embrace the “orthodox and wise” (and vice versa).
12. Make WAY more room for women in ministry, leadership, and every single area of influence (inside the church and outside the church).
13. When a leader is struggling, realize that we all struggle, so be as merciful as possible.
14. When a leader falls in sin, realize that they need healing, counseling, therapy, and lots of accountability.
+ If a crime was committed, report it immediately! We shouldn’t shove whatever they did under the rug.
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever.
#ChurchToo
15. Do less business, but more family. Have less contracts, but more covenants.
16. Turn a few mega-churches into mega homeless shelters.
17. Train good actors for Christian movies. Or just stop doing “Christian movies” all-together. Or do good movies but stop pandering to the Christian crowd.
18. Release people into leadership by actually letting them be leaders. As oppose to telling them they are in "leadership" but not letting them lead anything.
19. Trust the Holy Spirit to pastor people. Also, work on self-control NOT on controlling others. (Read more on getting free from manipulation and control)
20. Stop writing posts about what the church should be doing… and do it yourself already! #SelfAwareness #PrayersAppreciated #JesusHelpCarlos
21.
Dear Church,
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) March 7, 2018
Stop gathering around the name of Jesus while ignoring the ways of Jesus.
Remember the poor.
Visit the prisoner.
Feed the hungry.
Clothe the naked.
Welcome the stranger.
Deliver the oppressed.
Serve the least.
And rise for the marginalized.
He waits for us there.
22. Love people who voted for Donald and/or Hillary.
23. Read and re-read Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. So you can discover and re-discover the Jesus of the Gospels.
24. Be honest about how pro-life we are. Pro-babies? Pro-immigrants? Pro-refugees? Pro-the-man-on-death-row-at-this-very-instance?
25. Talk about sex openly and intentionally… the good the bad and the ugly (but mostly the good).
26. Be aware of your privilege. Ask questions. Stop pretending you know everything. Learn from those you assume should be learning from you.
27. Talk about mental health in small groups and get togethers.
28. Don’t use the Bible to support narratives of hate, violence, homophobia and/or misogyny.
29. When you pray out loud in a circle, don’t preach your theology while you’re “praying”… Actually talk to God, and share with others in the conversation.
30. Stop saying you want more community while “investing” 10 hours a day in the artificial communities of social media.
31. Don’t worship the worship musicians.
32. Teach people to get out of debt, as oppose to asking them to trust God by giving extravagant offerings using their credit cards (which gets them into debt).
33. Don’t be a jerk towards #BlackLivesMatter and/or #MeToo. These are human issues. Human lives are affected. Love humans more. Stand for the oppressed!
34. Stop pretending like there is no racism in your churches. Look around and ask:
"How many colors, culture, nationalities am I actually engaging on a weekly basis? And how much platform do they get?"
35. Be more in-tune with the Beatitudes of Jesus than with the American constitution.
36. Stop talking about the blood moons… Forever.
37. Pray for your enemies.
Right now, if you're willing.
38. Deny the illusion of taking over the mountains of influence.
The call is to serve. Strength is in humility. Meekness is the goal.
39. Don’t have long church meetings to pretend that you’re more spiritual or shorter ones to pretend that you’re more relevant. Just do you.
40. Climate change is real. Read about it. Learn about it. And love your neighbor by being part of the solution.
41. Learn from Jewish Rabbis. Love the Jewish people. Reject anti-semitism with passion in your bones. And if anyone ever denies the Holocaust in your church:
42. Also, end the prosperity gospel.
43. Then, stop demonizing those in the prosperity gospel. (Or anybody else in the Body of Christ.)
44. Figure out how to do 42 and 43 at the same time, honestly and honorably.
45. Keep growing the friendship between Methodists, Non-Denominational, Baptists, Catholics, Charismatics (and everyone else in the fam).
Then together, visit a Mosque. Have a meal with a Buddhist. Talk about love with an Atheist.
46. Honor your elders. Honor your elders. Honor your elders.
47. Love people where they’re at, not where they should be.
INCLUDING: everyone who fails in this list.
Like me.
Agree?
Peace.
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Religious Jerks are usually angry people who justify their hate as spirituality, they dress their bitterness as God’s truth, and turn their frustration into “holy” manipulation.
The problem is not religion, it’s actually self-righteousness.
The New Testament uses the word in a positive manner, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27
But Religious Jerks are usually the ones that only live by the second half of that verse. They try hard to keep themselves from being polluted by the world, but forget to serve and love the world (by looking after the orphans and the widows).
Religion, spirituality and theology tend to be destructive when they’re not drenched in humility and love. So I will try to be humble, and I will try to be lovely, in my Step by Step Guide to Dealing with Religious Jerks:
(Lord help us all!)
Step 1: Realize that you can be a religious jerk yourself. You might be religious about being non-religious. You might be religious about being gluten-free or lactose free or anti – _______. We all carry a sense of higher value based on what we do differently to others. It’s human nature to compare. So I know that I am a religious jerk myself.
Step 2: The next time there is a natural disaster let’s be louder with love than the Religious Jerks are with their assumptions. They might say that God is acting in destructive ways because of the gays, feminists, abortionists, communists, socialists, or whatever. But Jesus is God. And Jesus stopped the storm. Jesus never started one to destroy sinners. He only stopped one to save his friends.
There was also this one time when the people in Samaria didn’t welcome Jesus. And then, “James and John saw this, and asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?”
“But Jesus turned and rebuked them.” Luke 9:53
Step 3: (Read above) Let Jesus rebuke them. It’s his job not ours. #Hallelujah
"Who was Jesus harsh toward? Almost exclusively the scribes and Pharisees. Why? Because they portrayed God as harsh toward sinners." - Brian Zahn
Step 4: Earn the right to be heard. Whenever you disagree with a religious jerk, don’t become a jerk yourself. Unless your willing to walk the road of relationship, community and accountability, engaging in arguments will only bring distrust. Either engage in love-based-dialogue, or shut it down.
Remember that, “A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them.” Proverbs 14:3
Also, speak your truth and use your boundaries wisely. That is part of healthy loving.
Step 5: Don’t try to convince them with Bible verses about God’s Love (they probably know tons of verses about wrath and death and sin). Instead, talk about the way God has loved you, encouraged you, and been kind to you. Be vulnerable about your weakness and let God show off the strength of His love. A religious jerk usually sees God as angry, distant and cold. And as AW Tozer wrote:
"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."
Step 6: (I should have started with this one) Don’t called them Religious Jerks! They are humans, as broken and as needy as the people they de-humanize. As lovely and as valuable to God as the most innocent child. I know it's hard to see this sometimes, but they each have a name, and for each of them Jesus bled.
Step 7: Don’t judge by appearances. That’s what most people hate about religious jerks. But it’s how most people judge a “religious person by.” The songs they sing, the clothes they wear, the flags they use during worship or the things they promote on Facebook. I have done it hundreds of times, and every time I do, I hear the Spirit lovingly say, “Who made you better than them?”
Step. 8: Ask them for prayer. It’s my new strategy when dealing with the people who destroy me for my work. I ask for their prayers, because who knows? Maybe they got a few things right about me! Who am I to presume that my thoughts, opinions, theology are correct… and they are wrong?
Step 9: Stay humble; forgive and do not judge. Believe in the love that God has for humans, and for his church… and for the jerks. Because even if they are jerks, they are His jerks, and like a true perfect Father, He loves us all the same.
I’ll leave you with this story:
A super-religious-preacher-jerk in Puerto Rico was about to die. He was famous in the church (and for horrible reasons) outside of it. He was the guy who sent everyone to hell. He did it through screams and shouts and spits (on national TV). And his passion and his consistency made him infamous for years.
A few weeks before going to heaven another famous super-prosperity-gospel-preacher invited the jerk to preach at his church. They were literally the polar opposites in every single theological way. They dressed different, preached different, acted different, sinned different. But Jesus is a magnet and he brought his sons together.
Everyone was confused with the invitation. The religious jerk had publically insulted the prosperity preacher (and vice versa). So most of the church and the media thought the whole thing was a marketing ploy.
But when the Religious Jerk started to preach, he began to repent. He spoke of misusing the pulpit and hurting the family of God. He was sincere and humble. And at the end of his beautiful sermon the prosperity pastor brought a bucket of water, knelt down and washed the jerk’s feet.
He died a few days after... with feet washed in the grace of a brother.
I would have never visited either of those pastor’s churches. Honestly, they were not my cup of tea. But on that day of repentance and humility, they became a manifestation of Jesus to the world. They showed the goodness of Christ to his body. They demonstrated the power of forgiveness to each other. And taught me a life-long lesson in honor.
Jesus (as always) said it best: “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” Luke 6:27
He wants me to be a servant.
So I’m in trouble.
Because I like the title servant… until people start treating me like one.
😬
You see, I have intentionally chosen positions of leadership. They make me feel valuable and significant.
Pastor.
Founder and Director.
Dad.
Husband.
To every one of those titles (whether I say it or not) I attach a sense of leadership (and rule) to them. At least more than I attach a sense of servanthood.
And I have always found Bible verses to justify my superior complex.
But then, there's this:
"You call me Teacher and Lord–and you are right, for that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you." - Jesus in John 13:13-15
Now, I honestly have to ask myself, when was the last time I actually washed feet?
Literally not figuratively.
Heck, when was the last time I even figuratively washed someone feet?
A while back I was asking God in prayer to open up doors for ministry. I wanted more opportunities to preach in prisons, the nations, big stages, small gatherings.
(You know, because I’m so humble and cool.) #Sarcasm
Then, the Father answered my request with His own question,
“Who are you going to serve when you go there?”
My answer: “Duh. I want to serve those prisoners.”
His gentle reply, “Do you really want to be there for them, or for how it looks on social media when you visit prisoners?”
“Or, when you’re on the big stage, are you there for their sakes, or for the selfie with the huge crowd in the background?”
My answer:
Many times people have told me that I have a leadership calling on my life. But now, I’m concerned. Because not once did they said that while I was washing someone’s feet… which is the physical expression of godly leadership.
Just like the bread and the wine are a physical manifestation of a spiritual truth (the body and the blood), so is feet washing the down to earth visual of a heavenly revelation.
So I’m here to say… I got it all wrong.
Again.
Let’s take a 5 second interluded.
It would be tempting to start thinking of past leaders and teachers and pastors and bosses. But I am not writing so you can get angry/cynical about/towards them.
This is an encouragement for you and me.
However, if you have endured legitimate control/manipulation, then this becomes an invitation to forgive their mountain-top-ways, so we can move in grace, with Christ, in the opposite direction.
Deal?
(Read more on the Church’s Addiction to Control.)
Now, let me give you an even stronger text to support the outrageous claim: Jesus anti-leadership.
This one is in Matthew 23:8-12.
And once again this is Jesus talking; King of Kings and Lord of Lords:
But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all students. And call no one your father on earth, for you have one Father–the one in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Messiah. The greatest among you will be your servant. All who exalt themselves will be humbled, and all who humble themselves will be exalted.
So what are we doing?
And this is an honest (loaded) question.
Why are we teaching people so much about leadership and influence? How come we spend so much money on books and seminars and conference to be better at it?
Obviously, leadership is important. It is a New Testament concept with incredible examples like Peter, and Mary, and James, and Paul.
But The Word of God in the flesh never used the word leadership.
Not once.
His continual invitation was for those who wanted leadership, to recognize that the way up, is down.
The way forward, is back.
And that the Kingdom of God is found while we are not building our own.
Every time his own disciples talked about thrones and position… Jesus re-directed those desires towards feet, dirt, brokenness and sacrificial love.
We seek thrones to rule from.
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) September 2, 2019
Jesus is looking for feet to wash.
I have tried to call it Servant Leadership in order to make it more Jesus-friendly. But honestly, that does not work.
It’s servant.
Nothing more, nothing less.
And Jesus leads us by example in this. He resisted the temptation of the enemy to rule the nations though force. He resisted the invitation of the crowds to be an earthly king.
Jesus didn’t use his authority to build an empire. He did not use his power to make people bow before him. He didn’t force people to serve him — he served them!
The perfect Son of God fixed broken chairs, washed feet, died on a cross, and cooked breakfast for his friends.
So here we are again dear church.
Standing on top of the mountain.
Wanting power, influence, and control.
But Jesus said no to that temptation… and he invites us to do the same, “For even the Son of Man came NOT to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)
Maybe it will help us to see what leadership titles in the original language meant; as used in the New Testament:
Or as Paul wrote in Philippians 2: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
If we’re going to talk about leadership, let’s make sure it’s in the arrow model and not the pyramid one.
You see, pyramids are found in deserts. They are full of dead man’s bones. They are a relic of the past. And they don’t go anywhere.
Arrows are weapons. They move forward. They are launched by someone.
A true (Jesus like) leader is one that goes ahead (launched by Jesus himself) not one who stands on top (overpowering the body Christ).
Let’s destroy the pyramid model of leadership, and let’s become the ones who are sent ahead. Launched by God into the forefront of battlefield.
To serve.
To love.
To wash a few feet.
Peace.
“Life’s most urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’” ― Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Dear Christians,
Did you know that Jesus was an asylum seeker? His parents escaped the brutality of Herod and lived in Egypt for years.
Yes, as a migrant family.
Sincerely, The Bible
We can put Jesús, José and Maria in a cage… or we can welcome them.
It's as simple as that.
And then, it isn’t.
You see, in Luke 10, a lawyer (also know as "a Bible expert") stood up and tested Jesus.
He said to him, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” or in other words, “What can I do to go to heaven?”
In full-Jesus-style, he replies to his question with two question,
1. “What is written in the law?” (Tell me what you know.)
2. “How do you read it?” (Tell me how you interpret it.)
The patriotic-theologian answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, with all your mind (Deuteronomy 6:5) and your neighbor as yourself (Leviticus 19:18).”
Cool.
So the Word of God said to him, “You have answered correctly. Do this, and you will live.”
Cool. Cool.
But he, desiring to justify himself (not cool) asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” or in other words,
“Who shall I stand with?
"Where do I draw the line?”
So Jesus replied with a parable.
* A story that was intended (in love) to offend the mind in order to reveal the heart.
Don’t skip it.
“A certain man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho and he fell among robbers, who both stripped him and beat him, and departed, leaving him half dead. By chance a certain priest was going down that way. When he saw him, he passed by on the other side. In the same way a Levite also, when he came to the place, and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he travelled, came where he was. When he saw him, he was moved with compassion, came to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. He set him on his own animal, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him."
Then Jesus asked the lawyer, ‘Now which of these three do you think seemed to be a neighbor to him who fell among the robbers?’
He replied, ‘He who showed mercy on him.’”
Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”
Yes Carlos, “Go and do likewise.”
This parable would have been challenging enough for the Bible-expert if the Samaritan was the one beaten up on the side of the road and all Jesus was asking him to do was help.
However, he used that example not just to say, be kind to your despised neighbor, but to say: learn from them.
As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said while preaching on this, “The Priest and the Levite asked themselves, ‘If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?’ The Good Samaritan reversed the question, ‘If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?’”
Can we ask this again, “What will happen to the undocumented worker from Central American if we don’t stop to help them? What will happen to the hordes of refugees in the Middle East if we don’t stop to help them? What will happen to the kids in cages if we don’t stop to help them?
And even more than that, we need to ask, “How can we relate to them so we can learn from them?”
THIS is humility personified.
And THIS … is the invitation of Christ.
I believe it to be a good thing to cherish the land God blessed us with. We need to appreciate our culture, learn our history, honor our people.
But Jesus could care less about our patriotism.
The whole point of the gospel was to included everyone.
🇦🇫 🇦🇽 🇦🇱 🇩🇿 🇦🇸 🇦🇩 🇦🇴 🇦🇮 🇦🇶 🇦🇬 🇦🇷 🇦🇲 🇦🇼 🇦🇺 🇦🇹 🇦🇿 🇧🇸 🇧🇭 🇧🇩 🇧🇧 🇧🇾 🇧🇪 🇧🇿 🇧🇯 🇧🇲 🇧🇹 🇧🇴 🇧🇦 🇧🇼 🇧🇷 🇮🇴 🇻🇬 🇧🇳 🇧🇬 🇧🇫 🇧🇮 🇰🇭 🇨🇲 🇨🇦 🇮🇨 🇨🇻 🇧🇶 🇰🇾 🇨🇫 🇹🇩 🇨🇱 🇨🇳 🇨🇽 🇨🇨 🇨🇴 🇰🇲 🇨🇬 🇨🇩 🇨🇰 🇨🇷 🇨🇮 🇭🇷 🇨🇺 🇨🇼 🇨🇾 🇨🇿 🇩🇰 🇩🇯 🇩🇲 🇩🇴 🇪🇨 🇪🇬 🇸🇻 🇬🇶 🇪🇷 🇪🇪 🇪🇹 🇪🇺 🇫🇰 🇫🇴 🇫🇯 🇫🇮 🇫🇷 🇬🇫 🇵🇫 🇹🇫 🇬🇦 🇬🇲 🇬🇪 🇩🇪 🇬🇭 🇬🇮 🇬🇷 🇬🇱 🇬🇩 🇬🇵 🇬🇺 🇬🇹 🇬🇬 🇬🇳 🇬🇼 🇬🇾 🇭🇹 🇭🇳 🇭🇰 🇭🇺 🇮🇸 🇮🇳 🇮🇩 🇮🇷 🇮🇶 🇮🇪 🇮🇲 🇮🇱 🇮🇹 🇯🇲 🇯🇵 🎌 🇯🇪 🇯🇴 🇰🇿 🇰🇪 🇰🇮 🇽🇰 🇰🇼 🇰🇬 🇱🇦 🇱🇻 🇱🇧 🇱🇸 🇱🇷 🇱🇾 🇱🇮 🇱🇹 🇱🇺 🇲🇴 🇲🇰 🇲🇬 🇲🇼 🇲🇾 🇲🇻 🇲🇱 🇲🇹 🇲🇭 🇲🇶 🇲🇷 🇲🇺 🇾🇹 🇲🇽 🇫🇲 🇲🇩 🇲🇨 🇲🇳 🇲🇪 🇲🇸 🇲🇦 🇲🇿 🇲🇲 🇳🇦 🇳🇷 🇳🇵 🇳🇱 🇳🇨 🇳🇿 🇳🇮 🇳🇪 🇳🇬 🇳🇺 🇳🇫 🇰🇵 🇲🇵 🇳🇴 🇴🇲 🇵🇰 🇵🇼 🇵🇸 🇵🇦 🇵🇬 🇵🇾 🇵🇪 🇵🇭 🇵🇳 🇵🇱 🇵🇹 🇵🇷 🇶🇦 🇷🇪 🇷🇴 🇷🇺 🇷🇼 🇼🇸 🇸🇲 🇸🇦 🇸🇳 🇷🇸 🇸🇨 🇸🇱 🇸🇬 🇸🇽 🇸🇰 🇸🇮 🇬🇸 🇸🇧 🇸🇴 🇿🇦 🇰🇷 🇸🇸 🇪🇸 🇱🇰 🇧🇱 🇸🇭 🇰🇳 🇱🇨 🇵🇲 🇻🇨 🇸🇩 🇸🇷 🇸🇿 🇸🇪 🇨🇭 🇸🇾 🇹🇼 🇹🇯 🇹🇿 🇹🇭 🇹🇱 🇹🇬 🇹🇰 🇹🇴 🇹🇹 🇹🇳 🇹🇷 🇹🇲 🇹🇨 🇹🇻 🇻🇮 🇺🇬 🇺🇦 🇦🇪 🇬🇧 🏴 🏴 🏴 🇺🇳 🇺🇸 🇺🇾 🇺🇿 🇻🇺 🇻🇦 🇻🇪 🇻🇳 🇼🇫 🇪🇭 🇾🇪 🇿🇲 🇿🇼
It’s the original promise to Abraham, “Through you all peoples on earth will be blessed.” That includes Mexican and Iranians, the Arab and the Guatemalan, and even us Puerto Ricans!
* And can we not all agree that this is especially true for children?
Nationalism is a great deception that needs to be confronted as a great deception.Jesus loved children.
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) June 22, 2019
Blessed children.
Healed children.
Identified with children.
Highlighted their attributes.
Warned us not to hurt them.
And called them the owners of the Kingdom.
The way America is treating at the border is Anti-Christ.
It must stop, in Jesus name.
Sure, it "works" for history books and competitive Olympics. But it does not work for making disciples of all nations. And it does not fit the picture of Revelation, “And he had the eternal gospel to proclaim to those who live on the earth– to every nation, tribe, language and people.”
We can’t be the bride of Christ and concubines of Caesar. We can’t choose the empires of this world and the ways of his Kingdom. We can’t prioritize a super-power over God’s humility and fire.
As Stanley Hauerwas wrote, “The church is constituted as a new people who have been gathered from the nations to remind the world that we are in fact one people.”
Plus, I don’t want to miss the chance of engaging with Jesus in the flesh:
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.
Ultimately, I so think that my frustration is self-inflicted. I want this nation to behave like a Christian (at least my incomplete version of what a Christian looks like). But America is not the body of Christ.
We are.
You and I.
And let me put the emphasis on the “I”. We are believers of a way that is above patriotism, comfort and human nature. Our distinctive is compassion; it’s beauty and self-sacrifice… It is the cross and the resurrection. And whatever I want to see around me, I need to stop telling you to do it.
So I’m done telling others that they need to love their enemies. I’m finished with imposing my ethics and theology on my sisters and brothers. I’m sick of the sound of my own self-righteousness.
And I will give my time and space to helping refugees and those seeking asylum. It’s time to make my life the loudest written article.
Next month I am heading to Tijuana to help at a shelter for families that were denied entry. We will assist mothers who have been separated from their children. Kids who were stuck in the in-between. And with our words and actions we will say to say and his family:
"Welcome Asylum Seekers. We will make room for you and Jesus, in our inn"
Peace.
The church wants others to do less _____________ (drinking, cursing, fornicating, etc.) and more _____________ (praying, tithing, serving, etc)
*And mostly in that specific church, not anywhere else.
But we have to ask ourselves, do we want them to start/stop doing those things for their benefit, or ours?
I think we have confused salvation with behavior-management and traded the good news for "good advice".
Our exclusive...
Only-we-are-right...
Advice.
Now, we don’t do it just to individuals, we have tried doing the same with society. We tell people how to follow the law, when to go to church, which TV shows to watch, how to have sex like a missionary, which politicians to elect.
We want to control people with "the truth", yet God called us to love people truthfully (which means, we love them even when they do the opposite of what we ask or expect).
I know, I know, it’s because we know better than them. #Pride
Or, we don’t want them to suffer as we did. #FalseHumility
Also, we want to protect them, and teach them, and help them. #Deception
And we expect the truth to be received because... hey it’s in the Bible and it's the truth! #SatanUsedThatTrickOnJesusSoNoThanks
Listen my friend... the truth is a gift, not an overlord.
Ok yes, the Church of Jesus has access to the message of truth. But if we use truth to control others, then that truth is not doing what Jesus said it should do: “Set you free!”
And if the truth is not setting people free, then it is making them prisoners. Jailed inside whatever version of truth we're selling that day.
Also, and I ask this with no shred of sarcasm, "who likes being around controlling people anyway?"
As Saint Augustine said, “The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.”
That is why control is a snitch.
Because when pastors/this author/couples/parents seek power, it indicates the need to overcome an inner feeling of powerlessness. Control tells the truth about how we feel.
Jesus proved that we can be happy givers without having to control others. He knew internally who he was and what he was called to do. Yet he had no need to prove that by being controlling... exactly the opposite... he proved his ultimate might by being a servant.
He never controlled Peter’s stubbornness, or Thomas’ doubt, not even Judas’ betrayal.
He could’ve.
Maybe he should've?
But the ways of love are superior to the ways of power.
And Jesus is a teacher, not a puppet master. 🙌🏾
“Powerful people do not try to control other people. They know it doesn’t work, and that it’s not their job. Their job is to control themselves.” ~ Danny Silk
I’m realizing that most of the issues in my life have been created because of my addiction to control.
I want to control how my wife expresses her emotions. I want to control how my kids respond to my correction. I want to control how you respond to this article right now.
The truth is, I don’t need control. I want control. And that addiction/illusion is destructive.
Let me note that if you have ever been abused, neglected, abandoned, or experienced any traumatic event that made you feel like your life was out of control (with no protection), then it is completely normal to want to take charge.
I'm not here to judge our survival mechanisms, I just want to invite us to healing and a lighter way of living.
* If you want to course, because I don't want to be controlling, I'm just like suggesting you know ☺️
But seriously, controlling people (and controlling churches) create stressful environments for those around them. They control because they fear being harmed or exposed. And while trying to have dominance over a person or a situation they prove how insignificant they feel.
The good news is that the one who is (actually and fully) in control, wants to heal us. His love wants to override the fear.
And we can start with a simple step today: let’s hand it over.
Control.
This is a prayer from Laura Jean Truman I've been trying to pray more (and live daily). And I want to invite you to take a deep breath, and join me:
God,
Keep my anger from becoming meanness.
Keep my sorrow from collapsing into self-pity.
Keep my heart soft enough to keep breaking.
Keep my anger turned towards justice, not cruelty.
Remind me that all of this, every bit of it, is for love.
Keep me fiercely kind.
Amen.
God wants to teach both the Church as a whole, and us as individuals, that it is possible to live a life where we are not enforcing our standards on others (while at the same time, being joyful in our convictions).
Remember, you just have to stay true to what God has called you to give up, what He asked you to surrender, what He invited you to stay away from (or what He's asking you to take a risk towards).
So focus on that.
Because controlling others is not a fruit of the spirit my dear reader... Self-Control is.
Stay free.
---
---
1. When I Exaggerated The Story:
a.k.a. Embellished the truth – a.k.a. Took licence with reality – Lying, basically. It’s one of the biggest temptations a preacher will face. But the truth is beautiful, it’s daring, it’s captivating enough. And it carries more power than any add-ons we can produce.
Say it like it is, or don’t say it at all.
2. When I Ignored My Emotions:
So they became loud enough to NOT be ignored (and it was mostly the bad ones that made an appearance). You might feel spiritual while turning a deaf ear to your heart, but trust me, the fruit will not be helpful or godly.
“It is not possible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” – Peter Scazzero in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.
3. When I Pretended Like The News Did Not Matter:
So I kept quiet about racism and misogyny and violence and etc and etc and etc. My fear was offending the audience. Trying to please everyone in the crowd (especially the rich people who donated good money).
But that’s called being a coward, not a leader. If something is wrong, call it out. Plain and simple. Because Jesus abandoned His privilege for the sake of the under-privilege, and now it’s our turn.
4. When I Told Other People To, “Get Over It!”:
Most of the time, I said it a nice way. I sounded spiritual and caring. But it was the fleshy advice of someone who didn’t care. I didn’t want to be that someone, but I was so consumed with the things I was dealing with in my own life, that I had nothing else to give. From now on, I’m going to try my best to listen.
5. When I Pretended To Be Humble:
(Which is the most prideful thing). I shared enough to appear humble, but not enough to actually be humbled. Yes, our generation is enamoured with the idea of vulnerability. It has become a marketing tool to appear approachable.
But we still want control.
We’re still ashamed.
So we hide.
No thanks.
6. When I "Spent Time With God" So He Would Give Me a Great Sermon:
Which is like prostituting the relationship. Which is deception and manipulation. Which was using the Holy Spirit for my own glory. #NoBueno
7. When I Booked Too Many Meetings:
It’s like an addiction. A need to meet again and again. I guess we do it because we like the people we work with? Maybe we're trying to communicate as best as possible?
But the problem for me was that the “meeting” became the driver. I forgot to value the faces and began to focus on the agenda. I realised that I was communicating unspoken messages like,”I don’t trust you”, “I need to keep my eyes on you” “Unless I lead you in this project/strategy/situation you will fail.”
8. When I De-Valued People’s Desires:
I forgot that people are at their best when they are doing what they want. We all love choices. Especially our own. And God seems to be ok with that.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Ps.37:4
9. When I Started To Fall In Love With Western Christianity:
Which made me fall out-of-love with Christ. Dumbest. Move. Ever.
10. When I Believed The Lie, “Ministry Is A Lonely Place”:
Which gave me permission to be a hermit, to play the victim card… Enough of that junk! We were created for community. This is not a cute church slogan, it’s a reality for survival.
11. When I Kept Looking Back At The Sound Guy:
Using facial expressions to convey my annoyance because the sound was not perfect. Or when I texted him a million times about the volume, the guitar, the drums, the vocals. Imagine if we treated the preacher the way the preacher treats the sound guy?
To all the sound guys in the world: I LOVE YOU and respect you. Thank you for serving us so well. #Sorry
12. When I Thought My Sermon Was Awesome:
Or thought my sermon sucked bad. Both self-centred reactions. Just had to trust God with what came out of my mouth. 50% of it was my opinion. The other 45% was the opinions of others.
The 5% left was probably God (probably) (I hope).
And I have to trust that He loves me, and the crowd, enough to do wonders with that 5%.
13. When I Became Religious About Being Non-Religious:
Which is a modern form of religion. A more subtle way to ride the high horse. But if in any shape or form you consider others to be missing the mark… then you might be missing the good news of Jesus for yourself.
14. When I Told Everyone How Much I Prayed:
Or the last time I fasted (which was 2004 but I’m still taking about it). Or how good this “morning’s time with the Lord” was. Classic. But Jesus was all about keeping that stuff secret. Expose your weaknesses, let your strengths speak for themselves.
15. When I Treated The Congregation Like They Were All Full-Time Pastors:
Demanding stuff from them like they were all employees of the ministry. Expecting them to drop everything for the sake of “the Kingdom” (Carlos’ kingdom really).
Never forget, the whole point is to serve, not to be served.
Dear Church,
— Carlos A. Rodríguez (@HappySonship) May 9, 2019
Stop gathering around the name of Jesus while ignoring the ways of Jesus.
Remember the poor.
Visit the prisoner.
Feed the hungry.
Clothe the naked.
Welcome the stranger.
Deliver the oppressed.
Serve the least.
And rise for the marginalized.
He waits for us there.
---
16. When I Forgot to Take Care of Myself:
So I ended up bitter and angry and burnt out. Then I started to blame the church. But I could have said “No” to 50% of the meetings I attended. I could have chosen to train others to lead and shine. I could have trusted Jesus to lead His people. And I could have used all my vacation days properly.
17. When I Made People Feel Bad About Missing A Sunday:
"Oh you missed the conference"
"It was the best worship ever"
blah blah blah.
Really, I needed people in the building to validate myself. I forgot that my job was way more important outside the 4 walls, than inside of them. I forgot that people had jobs, and family, and complications (and a need to rest).
So enough of that unrealistic expectation of perfect attendance.
18. When I Looked At Porn And Kept It To Myself.
We all have our struggles. And it’s insane to pretend! The freaking mask is too heavy! So find someone to be accountable to. Let them know what you’re struggling with.
Don’t be a prisoner to darkness and shame. Share. And be healed.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." James 5:16
19. When I Waited Too Long To Get Help:
Are you in pain? Are you constantly feeling alone? Do you have emotions that seem to be out of control? Talk to someone. Like right now. Don’t fight alone.
Read About My Journey Of Mental Health.
20. When I Told Everyone “Family Was Priority” But I Lived Like The Ministry Was: I fell for it. Like so many others before me. And so I ask for your prayers.
My wife is my calling. My boys are my disciples. My family is the congregation.
Amen?
Ohhh that feels good.
There's glory in self-awareness. And these leadership fails are the perfect opportunity for Jesus to shine in my life. Because there is more grace in Christ, than sin in me.
Let me know your thoughts.
Comment below.
Peace.
---
“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” John Bunyan
Craig Romkema is one of my favorite poets ever. He’s 36, loves watching basketball and is an avid fan of geography. I met Craig in 2011 for the first time. And in that first encounter, I spent 20 minutes with my arms around him, praying. As I prayed, his mom kept telling me how hard the last few months had been. Craig’s father had recently passed away and she was thinking of moving from Iowa to Raleigh to be closer to family, and to be able to attend our church regularly.
I listened, I smiled, and I kept trying to pray.
But more than anything else about that night, I remember the feeling of Craig’s beard on my fingertips.
How come?
Because Craig lives with the symptoms of autism and cerebral palsy. He has severe movement disability and is unable to have a one on one conversation without monumental assistance. His most basic point of connection is to grab your hand, put it on his chin and say the word, “tickle”.
He can comprehend this book, enjoy the new Avengers movie and have deep thoughts about history and politics, but he just can’t get it out of him. His brain functions are not that different from ours, but his body and his voice keep him in a prison of being misunderstood.
Imagine living in a country where you understand the language but nobody understands you. Imagine being in love with a person but every time you wanted to kiss them you ended up pushing them away. That’s what it’s like being Craig.
A few years after those first 20 minutes, Craig’s mom was diagnosed with cancer. We tried our absolute best as a church to be there for the family. Bringing meals over, praying with faith and hanging out with Craig so mom could go for her doctor’s visits. And that became my Thursday mornings. For weeks, I would pick up Craig and we would hang out together. Yes, there was always something “more important” to do that day... prepare a sermon, answer emails, lead a meeting, write this chapter.
Still, I couldn’t shake it. I needed more of Jesus. And spending time with Craig felt like the closest time with Jesus I had every week.
On our 3rd date together things began to get serious. As we were driving along, I noticed that Craig was focused on a car that was about to exit a cheap gas station car wash. I also noticed that my car needed a good clean so I sang out loud (in the necessary falsetto), “At the car wash... woooh! Talking about the car wash, yeah!”
I looked at my co-pilot, and after three seconds of nothing... Craig lost it.
So I lost it.
We laughed so hard my stomach began to properly hurt. I think I lost 3 pounds and gained one ab. And I understood why Karl Barth wrote,
“Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God.”
Just when the moment was about to pass, I felt compelled to sing it again, loud and proud, “At the car wash... woooh! Talking about the car wash, yeah!”
I’m pretty sure that’s the most I have ever laughed with another human being in a 20 minute stretch. Craig peed himself a little. And so did I.
I'm also pretty sure that’s the most I have ever enjoyed God’s presence while singing a song in my car (sorry Hillsong United).
Of course, we went straight to the car wash singing the song over and over again.You guessed it, Craig started singing with me! I would start with, “At the crash wash”... and he would add the sound effects.
Me: “Talking about the car wash” (Still in falsetto)
Craig: “ye-ah!” (In his beautiful, raspy, barely-understandable voice.)
For weeks and weeks my car was the cleanest vehicle in the state. Every Thursday morning I would pick up Craig, grab him a cup of decaffeinated coffee, read him Pablo Neruda poems inside Barnes and Nobles and then we would head over to the car wash.
Singing.
My dad has a saying which he picked up from my abuelo, “Things that are done well, look well.” My mom also has a saying, which she told us on a weekly basis, “Life will teach you.” I can imagine you have a few of your own. Probably picked them up from a grandparent or an old boss.
Jesus had one.
It was the sort of quote that people heard, remembered and shared (his most tweet-able line). And yet it did not make it into the four gospel. We hear it via the Apostle Paul, while he’s speaking to a group of church leaders. He’s telling them about an upcoming, dangerous trip. He’s also reminding them to take care of God’s flock and to have no desire for wealth or fancy robes.
And his whole sermon is built on that famous echo (and one of the most basic things we forget about christianity) - “It is better to give than to receive.”
As in, “In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” (Acts 20:35)
The system of this world cannot understand that concept intellectually, it can only be experienced with the heart.
Notice that Paul is not telling unbelievers to try this. He is speaking to church leaders. It’s a reminder to those in authority of the ultimate roar from heaven. The style of the Kingdom; Giving not taking. Loving not drawing. Providing not withholding.
I must say that giving my time, my money, and my social energy to Craig was one of the best investments I have ever made to myself.
My charity became my pleasure.
The car-wash became the church.
My brother became my savior.
The man I was trying to help became a friend that helped me focus. I rediscovered the joy of friendship during my time with Craig. It was beautifully awkward to walk around the nicest mall in Durham, North Carolina with a grown man arresting my hand against his beard, and asking me to tickle him again.
Looking into my brother’s eyes made me realize how little I was looking into myself. Through his harsh voice and his broken walk, he showed me time and time again that a person with a disability has the ability to overcome the worst. Everyday. At every moment. This was written about him,
“A pioneer throughout his life, Craig has been the first with this disability to attend his local elementary school, to graduate with honors from his high school, and, after ten years of hard work, to receive his degree in English Literature from Dordt College.”
What a champion!
Trust me, I prayed many times for Craig to be healed. Still do. I wrestle with God because my friend is not well, and God could make him well, I know He can. However, while I wait for the miracle, I hang out with my brother. I love my brother where he is. I do whatever it takes to connect with him, to show him that he matters, that his life is valuable.
I like how Bob Goff said it,
“Give away time and you’ll find empathy. Give away empathy and you’ll find love. Give away love and you’ll find purpose. Keep trading up.”
When Craig’s beautiful mother passed away, I had the privilege of preaching at her funeral. There were no words to make the moment easier. I just shared the good news of Jesus because I knew that is exactly what she would have wanted her family to listen to. After reading Scripture, praying for the family and watching a slideshow of Craig’s mom with all the relatives, we gathered for snacks and sweets.
I wanted to provide comfort. I wanted to pastor the moment well. But the only thing I could offer to Craig at the funeral, was a look into his eyes and the sound of our song... “at the car wash, yeah!”
With tears and smiles on our faces, we’re sang it with others. It was a human moment; a sweet, awkward moment among friends. The kind of giving that is expecting nothing in return.
And I agree with Jesus, it was better.
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* Buy this for a friend? 👇🏾
Of course I'm amused by the work of its creator, conflicted by the questions it raised, and annoyed by the extravagance of fellow preachers.
And it reminds me when a few years ago, the private jet of a famous prosperity-gospel-preacher ran off a runway. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. But to replace the old jet, the preacher launched a fundraiser to pay $60,000,000 for a new Gulfstream G650. He suggested to his listeners that they all commit to giving “$300 or more.” The jet he wanted was the fastest plane ever built. But after receiving immediate backlash, the preacher ended the fundraising.
Sadly, the church as a whole looked like a greedy machine.
Again.
At that point in time the preacher had an estimated net worth of $27 million dollars, which was 200 times more than the $29,640 average annual income of the people in his hometown. And as all this information came out to the public, people were flocking to social media to criticize and accuse.
And just like this week with the preacher's sneakers, I was tempted back then to join the choir of stone-throwers.
I can admit that I don’t agree with this one preacher's methods. I’m not a follower of his teachings or reader of his books. Nevertheless, it would be unfair of me to assume that all that he has done is bad; to write him off as evil or fraudulent.
It is very possible that he has helped more people in the name Christ than me. I'm sure his ministry has created more jobs than I have with mine. Also, his messages might have inspired and encouraged hundreds of thousands across the globe. And while researching I discovered that this specific "get- a-new-plane-ministry" has donated way more than 60 million dollars to help the poor, at home and abroad.
Yet I still wanted to judge him (and I had Bible verses to support those judgments.)
There's a new Instagram account that shows the value of preacher's sneakers. It went from 0 to 60 (more like 68 thousand followers) in less than 2 weeks.
Of course I'm amused by the work of its creator, conflicted by the questions it raised, and annoyed by the extravagance of fellow preachers.
It reminds me when a few years ago, the private jet of a famous prosperity-gospel-preacher ran off a runway.
Fortunately, nobody was hurt.
But to replace the old jet, the preacher launched a fundraiser to pay $60,000,000 for a new Gulfstream G650. He suggested to his listeners that they all commit to giving “$300 or more.” The jet he wanted was the fastest plane ever built. But after receiving immediate backlash, the preacher ended the fundraising.
Sadly, the church as a whole looked like a greedy machine.
Again.
At that point in time the preacher had an estimated net worth of $27 million dollars, which was 200 times more than the $29,640 average annual income of the people in his hometown. And as all this information came out to the public, people were flocking to social media to criticize and accuse.
And just like this week with the preacher's sneakers, I was tempted back then to join the choir of stone throwers.
Personally, I don’t agree with this one preacher's methods. I’m not a follower of his teachings or reader of his books. Nevertheless, it would be unfair of me to assume that all that he has done is bad; to write him off as evil or fraudulent.
It is possible that he has helped more people in the name Christ than me. I'm sure his ministry has created more jobs than I have with mine. Also, his messages might have inspired and encouraged thousands across the globe. And while researching I discovered that this specific "get- a-new-plane-ministry" has donated more than 60 million dollars to help the poor, at home and abroad.
Yet I still wanted to judge him (and I had Bible verses to support those judgments.)
Oh my gosh yes, I want to ask all famous prosperity-gospel-televangelists to stop asking for so much money. I want them to move out of their million dollar mansions and turn them into shelters for the homeless. I wish they would sell their fancy cars and give the money to the widows and the orphans in their congregations. And I want them to stop promoting the message of western prosperity which makes us look cheap in the eyes of those who don't believe in Jesus.
Seriously, with the $3,520 dollars that one of the preachers spent on a pair of Jordans' I could restore the home of a single mother in Puerto Rico.
And that would be good and godly.
And we need way more of that.
But in spite of that... it is I who needs to STOP.
Before I demand that they give more to the poor, I should give more of myself.
You know, the log in my eye and so on.
I don’t have a mansion but I eat three meals a day. So even though I can’t feed hundreds, I could probably feed a few on a weekly basis. When I get invited to preach and receive an offering, maybe I should ask Jesus if I can give it back to the needy in whichever city I am in, instead of spending half of it at the airport on the way back home.
You see, the problem is not wealth.
The problem is the love of money.
And I love money.
So I have a problem with wealth.
As the apostle John wrote, “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”
It sounds ridiculous to me that a preacher “needs” a 60 million dollar airplane to preach the gospel, or that the guys in the Instagram account require fancy shoes to somehow connect better with the crowd.
But it might also seem ridiculous to a father of 12 in Niger that I would “need” an iPad to preach my sermons or the newest iMac to write this article.
There is nothing wrong with growing your finances. But there's a line to how much money we as leaders should spend on ourselves. I don’t know where the line is, but it might be somewhere between people going to bed hungry and pastors going to bed inside their own airplanes with $500 slippers.
* I’m honestly asking you because I don’t have a clue were that line should be. Comment below por favor.
My wife and I enjoy giving to others and having nice things for ourselves. God has been good to us and we are extremely grateful. I just hope that we keep moving towards being givers instead of getters, creators instead of consumers, lovers instead of takers.
Yes, it is difficult to “defend” our faith when stories like these go viral. And trust me, I am all for the body of Christ returning to the way of the cross and the way of the first century church. But maybe I need to focus less on how these other ministers spend their money and instead focus on Jesus’ invitation to me: “You lack one thing. Go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
These words haunt my selfish soul. They were spoken by Jesus to a rich young ruler. And the Bible says that Jesus loved that rich young ruler.
America is a rich young nation. And Jesus loves this rich young nation.
It’s because he loved that rich young ruler (as well as he loves us) that he invites us to a greater surrender.
The invitation to the rich young ruler was not so that he would go from wealthy to impoverished, but from slave to free. From being a puppet owned by his possession to being a follower of Christ, who owns his possessions for the sake of the Kingdom... and others.
There is something I discovered during my eight years of pastoring in Raleigh, North Carolina; people in America have enough of God to not need him anymore.
There is another thing I discovered in my eight years of living in Raleigh, North Carolina (and even now in Puerto Rico) I have to fight this temptation just the same.
Maybe it was not just the fact that the rich young ruler had to give all his money away, but also that he had to give it to people who could give him nothing in return.
I know I like giving when there is some kickback. Even if the return is not the full value, I want something... anything!
A picture on Facebook saying that I’m so generous, a donation receipt so I can get a few bucks back in taxes, a kiss and a hug and a thank you letter... anything!
So I know this from experience; the easiest thing is to accommodate the words of Jesus to fit our lifestyle instead of surrendering our lifestyle to accommodate the words of Jesus.
And that is precisely what the rich young ruler did. He knew the law. He obeyed the law. And he had a heart to "please God".
But he lacked one thing.
And because of his great wealth he chose to not accept the Rabbi’s invitation.
What a shame.
As the rich young ruler was walking away, Jesus said, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
The disciples (understandably) were astonished by these words and asked him, “Then who can be saved?” Jesus replied, “With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
What is this, “impossible thing for us” that becomes, “possible with God?”
Well, it’s NOT, “I can have whatever I want because ‘all things are possible with God!’”
Quite the contrary actually.
The heart of Jesus is for us to be able to say, “I can give away everything. Be saved from Mammon. Yes, it is impossible for me but not impossible for God.”
How bizarre that we have turned this very statement into the declaration we use to ask for success and possessions.
“I can have a new car, because nothing is impossible with God.”
“I can get the hot wife, because nothing is impossible with God.”
“I can be Instagram famous, because nothing is impossible with God.”
It is true that those things are also possible with God (except don't pray for a hot wife that's just weird and maybe go to the gym little) but reading these words in context is necessary.
Jesus was speaking to the moment.
A wealthy, godly man had just rejected a direct invitation to give his possessions away. And Jesus was aware that this would be hard for anyone in any scenario, so he reminded us again of a supernatural equation.
Society and culture are begging us to be more successful. Bigger, better and richer is the ultimate goal for those who are hungry for recognition. Our materialism is gasping for more and our vanity is desperate for exclusivity.
Despite that, it’s possible with God to surrender lands and titles. To give away our time and our best efforts. To be generous with our money, our talents, and our shoes.
Yes, it is an “impossibility” that a rich man, a rich society, a rich country would give all to the poor and follow Jesus. Especially when you can find so many Bible verses that prove that God wants to bless us, prosper us, empower us and make us a success.
But we chose in Christ to give it away.
I know this might not be good news to the rich but it is definitely good news to the poor.
John D. Rockefeller, the Ohio native who started Standard Oil, was a billionaire in the early 1900’s. And he’s still considered the richest person in modern history. When a reporter asked him, “How much money is enough?” He responded, “Just a little bit more.”
When what we already have is never enough, then never enough will become our god.
This idol must come down.
Let us not lack that one thing.
As prophet/comedian/host-of-the-Late-Show-on-CBS, Stephen Colbert said, “If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it.”
I admit that most of the time I don’t want to do it.
But I want to change; so I’ll start with forgiveness. I forgive every church leader who has asked for millions of dollars to expand their personal kingdoms.
And I forgive myself for pretending like I wouldn’t do the same.
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Carlos A. Rodríguez is a pastor, an activist, and a communicator. He's the CEO of The Happy NPO and the author of Simply Sonship, Drop The Stones and the upcoming Proximity. Together with his wife Catherine, they have three gorgeous children have moved to Puerto Rico to continue relief efforts all over the Caribbean post hurricane Irma and Maria. Support their non-profit work here at TheHappyGivers.com